Well, since I'm terribly at journaling, I figured I would try my hand at blogging. Which I'll probably be terrible at too...Anyway.
I titled my blog Daily Bread, because honestly I've been really bad about asking God for my daily bread lately. I've been pretty bad about talking to God period... Since today is Easter, it is really making me think about my walk with Christ and my prayer life. My prayer life is definitely not where it needs to be, but I'm not sure how to fix it. I know that I need to just talk to him daily, but I feel so cheesy. I want to be genuine. I don't want to feel like I'm praying because it's an obligation. I want it to be completely genuine. I need to make some goals to stick with. I just wish I was better at sticking with my goals once I make them. I need some accountability.
This Easter has been really different than others. Church was amazing. For once, I'm at a point in my life where I can honestly say that I care about what God has in store for me. My whole life I've gone to church, but I've never put much stock in God's plans for me. I've always tried to be in control of what happens in my life. I wanted to be in the driver's seat...and lately I've realized that it is impossible to live my life this way. Dan's sermon this morning made me think about some things. I don't understand God at all. I don't understand what His plans are for me. I don't know where I'm going with my life. I am so bogged down with questions and thoughts. BUT it's okay. All of it is going to be okay. God knows what I'm looking for, even though I sure as heck don't. I don't know exactly what I want. I have thoughts and desires, but are they really what is best for me? Life is so hectic right now with graduation, job searches, mission trips, relationships etc...and my first instinct is to automatically start worrying and trying to fit everything together into neat little boxes. That's just me and my nature. Too bad that's not how things are supposed to work...
Matthew 6:34 says, Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Goodness. This verse was written just for people like me. So, why can I not keep that verse in my mind? God's got it all figured out. He knows how the chips fall, and it's not for me to worry about. And yet, I struggle with giving control over to him.
Matthew 6:27--Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
Worrying isn't getting me anywhere..except closer to ulcers and the doctor. And yet, I continue to let it consume parts of my life.
My quest for my best friend/husband has probably got me worried the most. And it's probably my most unfounded worry of all. Amanda gave me an awesome paper the other day all about relationships, and how God has that figured out too. He desires for me to turn to Him, to seek Him first, so that He can mold me and shape me the way I'm supposed to be. He wants to make sure I am fully seeking Him before He puts someone into my life. Which makes total sense...except that I'm the most impatient person I've ever met. I want things to work on my time, but it's God's time that counts. He knows what is best for me, and right now He has a person in mind for me. But we're not ready. Neither of us are...It is just so stinkin' frustrating! I want to be at that place, but I'm ruining it for myself by not taking the steps I need to take.
I know that my relationship with Christ is not where it should be. I know that I am not in the right mindset about God. I don't read scripture like I should, and I definitely do not pray like I need to.
So I guess what it all boils down to is this...how can I expect God to give me the things I long for when I can't even ask Him for them or follow Him like He asks me to? He sent his son to die for me. For my sin. And how do I repay Him? How can I expect to be happy when I let worry lead my life?
I'm sorry God. I'm so very sorry. I'm sorry that I am not making the most out of the life that You so unselfishly gave me.
This song was sang at church today. It really touched my heart, and made me realize how incredibly selfish I have been lately.
(Brad Paisley & Sara Evans)
(Brad Paisley)
Mother - do not cry for me
All of this is exactly how it's supposed to be
(Sara Evans)
I'm right here. Can you hear my voice?
My life, my love, my Lord, my baby boy
(Brad Paisley)
As they nail me to this tree
Just know the Father waits for me
(Sara Evans)
God how can this be your will?
To have your son and my son killed?
(Brad Paisley)
Whatever happens, whatever you see
Whatever your eyes tell you has become of me
This is not
Is not the end
I am making all things new again
(Sara Evans)
I remember when you were born
In that manger where I first held
You in my arms
So many miracles and lives you've changed
And this world repays you how?
With all this pain
(Brad Paisley)
As they nail me to this tree
Just know the Father waits for me
(Sara Evans)
God how can this be your will?
To have your son and my son killed?
(Brad Paisley) {Sara Evans}
Whatever happens {Whatever happens}, whatever you see{I don't wanna see}
Whatever your eyes tell you has become of me
This is not, {Tell me it's not}
Not the end
I am making all things new again
(Brad Paisley) {Sara Evans}
Whatever happens {OhhhhOh},
whatever you see {Ohhhh}
Whatever your eyes tell you has become of me
This is not, {No}
Not the end
I am making all things new again
I'm making goals. Starting now. And I'm going to stick with them this time. It's time to get serious about God and my walk with Him.
No comments:
Post a Comment