Ever since I was a little girl, I have always imagined my wedding and how it would be. This is a typical girl thing to do, but I took it to the extreme. I know certain details that I want, such as round tables, tulips, and the colors green, purple, and yellow. I've always imagined walking down the isle looking beautiful, skinny, and so very happy. I've imagined walking down that isle, but the person I see is not someone I recognize. I don't know who that person is. I don't know where they are in the world. I don't know if I've met them, or if I will be meeting them soon. They are just one big dumb mystery. And so we enter the conundrums that are relationships.
This is so frustrating.
Rawr on relationships. They just make me want to run far away. They can't be simple, bada-bing, bada-boom, you like me, I like you, deals. No, they have to be super awkward and complicated affairs that make me want to pull my hair out...
Lately, as in the past few months/weeks/days, relationships have really been on my mind. I know, I know, I'm supposed to give it all to God, and trust in His plan. But HOT JAMBALAYA! Do you know how hard that is?! I try every single day, and yet I still seem to keep wondering where my Prince Charming is, and WHO he is. Uggghhhh.
I have this very unrealistic fear...although in my head it is a very legit fear...that someday I will be old, wrinkly, and the CCL. CCL stands for Creepy Cat Lady. Everyone knows a CCL, and you can't help but wonder how they came to be the way they are. Did they ever have someone special in their life? Did they share their lives with someone? How did they end up how they are now? Did they trust God to have a plan for their relationship life? It's sad. I know God has a plan for me, but I really hope and pray that it's not to be a CCL. Although, if it is, I'm going to have to learn to accept it....
Anyway.
I guess where I'm going with this is that I need prayer. I need prayers for contentment. I am so very blessed with amazing friends and family. I have some money, sure I would like more, but I'm not starving, I have a house and a car, I have shelter...I've got it pretty good. God gives me so much. Like they said at small group tonight, God gives me every single breath I take each day. Each one is a gift from him. He doesn't have to give them to me. He could snuff me out as easily as we could blow out a candle. And yet I feel like I'm squandering these gifts by not being content with each breath and always wanting more. More money, more guidance, to know the future. Humans are so like that. God gave us everything, even his ONLY Son. He let his Son DIE for us, and yet we whine because God isn't working on the timetable we want him to.
Good grief...
So, prayers for contentment would be appreciated. I need to stop thinking about the conundrums that are relationships. Especially with certain people of late. Urgh, it's so difficult. But I do not want repeats of the last couple months/years. That would not do myself, or anyone else any good. I do not want to repeat mistakes and things that I've been through. I should know how to avoid that kind of thing by now. I need to stop worrying about what others think as well. If I am going to think about relationships and things, I can't be afraid of the opinions of other people. That got me in trouble last time...Judgements are almost as bad as relationships themselves.
So here it is,
Goal: Stop thinking about relationships. Stop worrying about relationships. Stop over-analyzing every little single thing that people say and do. Stop having one sided conversations with myself on whether to say things or not say things...that makes me sound kinda crazy, but it's so needed. Try very very hard to pray about these problems daily instead of taking them on myself.
Annnnd so as my title states, I would love to quote the lovely Carrie Underwood. She says it much better than I can. And I think this title is always good for a laugh...
The more boys I meet...........the more I love my dog. :)
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Yes, it really is that easy.
You reveal the path of life to me; in Your presence is abundant joy; in Your right hand are eternal pleasures. Psalm 16:11
Today seemed like it was just going to be an ordinary day. It still seemed that way when I sat down to blog today...until I started thinking about the events of the day and I had a sort of epiphany. I was reading in my little dedicated teachers prayer book, and today's reading was entitled Your Mission. I just wanted to share it here because it is the basis on which this epiphany is founded:
Whether you realize it or not, you are on a personal mission for God. As a Christian teacher, that mission is straightforward: Honor your Creator, accept Christ as your Savior, teach your students truth, and serve those who cross your path.
Of course, you will encounter impediments as you attempt to discover the exact nature of God's purpose for your life, but you must never lose sight of the overriding purposes that God has established for all believers through the revelations of His Holy Word. When you apply God's commandments to every aspect of your life, you will earn countless blessings for yourself, your family, and your students.
Every day offers fresh opportunities to server God, to worship Him, and to seek His will. When you do, He will bless you in miraculous ways. May you continue to seek God's purposes, may you trust His Word, and may you place Him where He belongs: at the very center of your life.
Wow. That's all I could think after I read this. I never thought that teaching, the profession that I chose, would be my personal mission for Christ. That it would be the way I was supposed to reach people. Then I wanted to smack myself in the head as my epiphany hit me like a ton of bricks. Over these last few weeks I've just been moaning, groaning, crying, and complaining about student teaching and all the things I've had to deal with. But, from the beginning, God said the journey was not going to be easy. He warned us that following Him would be tough, but that the rewards would be plentiful. Of course I'm going to encounter impediments. Everyone does. All teachers do from time to time. But, God gave me this gift of teaching, and lately I think all I've been doing is losing sight of the purposes God has established for my life. Every single day is a fresh opportunity for me to serve Him. So, why have I been wasting my days worrying and complaining!? DUH!!!! God knows where I'm supposed to be. It's right here in my life. In the present. It doesn't matter what happens this afternoon, tomorrow, or even the next day because He has got it figured out. And in the end...everything is going to work out according to His plan. I've been praying for patience, and He has been trying to give it to me. I've been asking for guidance, and He has been here the whole time, holding my hand, carrying me, trying to get me to open up my eyes, trust Him, and stop being so afraid.
I observed in another classroom today, and the differences from this classroom to mine were astounding. Not all classrooms are going to be stressful like mine is. Why did I think that teaching was always going to be bad? I can control how it is ran by implementing procedures at the beginning and always remembering to serve God through my work. I need to be patient and loving, just as God is with me each and every day. How can I expect to reach students and have respect from them when I am forgetting the number one rules for my life? I'm disgusted with myself for forgetting these things in the past weeks. Every time something tough has come up, I haven't gone to Him or prayed about it. Or, I have prayed about it, but then taken the problem back and tried to deal with it myself. No wonder these past weeks have been difficult! I'm not making it any easier on myself.
It's amazing how many life questions are answered if we just sit still and listen for God when He's trying to talk to us. So often I find myself angry because I don't feel like He is hearing me, when in fact it is ME not hearing HIM! It's incredible to realize that what we do each day has meaning in the big picture of God's plan.
These verses definitely sum up these thoughts very well:
Whatever you do, do everything for God's glory. 1 Corinthians 10:31
We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
I will instruct you and show you the way to go; with My eye on you, I will give counsel. Psalm 32:8
Commit your activities to the Lord and your plans will be achieved. Proverbs 16:3
Yes, it really is that easy. :)
Today seemed like it was just going to be an ordinary day. It still seemed that way when I sat down to blog today...until I started thinking about the events of the day and I had a sort of epiphany. I was reading in my little dedicated teachers prayer book, and today's reading was entitled Your Mission. I just wanted to share it here because it is the basis on which this epiphany is founded:
Whether you realize it or not, you are on a personal mission for God. As a Christian teacher, that mission is straightforward: Honor your Creator, accept Christ as your Savior, teach your students truth, and serve those who cross your path.
Of course, you will encounter impediments as you attempt to discover the exact nature of God's purpose for your life, but you must never lose sight of the overriding purposes that God has established for all believers through the revelations of His Holy Word. When you apply God's commandments to every aspect of your life, you will earn countless blessings for yourself, your family, and your students.
Every day offers fresh opportunities to server God, to worship Him, and to seek His will. When you do, He will bless you in miraculous ways. May you continue to seek God's purposes, may you trust His Word, and may you place Him where He belongs: at the very center of your life.
Wow. That's all I could think after I read this. I never thought that teaching, the profession that I chose, would be my personal mission for Christ. That it would be the way I was supposed to reach people. Then I wanted to smack myself in the head as my epiphany hit me like a ton of bricks. Over these last few weeks I've just been moaning, groaning, crying, and complaining about student teaching and all the things I've had to deal with. But, from the beginning, God said the journey was not going to be easy. He warned us that following Him would be tough, but that the rewards would be plentiful. Of course I'm going to encounter impediments. Everyone does. All teachers do from time to time. But, God gave me this gift of teaching, and lately I think all I've been doing is losing sight of the purposes God has established for my life. Every single day is a fresh opportunity for me to serve Him. So, why have I been wasting my days worrying and complaining!? DUH!!!! God knows where I'm supposed to be. It's right here in my life. In the present. It doesn't matter what happens this afternoon, tomorrow, or even the next day because He has got it figured out. And in the end...everything is going to work out according to His plan. I've been praying for patience, and He has been trying to give it to me. I've been asking for guidance, and He has been here the whole time, holding my hand, carrying me, trying to get me to open up my eyes, trust Him, and stop being so afraid.
I observed in another classroom today, and the differences from this classroom to mine were astounding. Not all classrooms are going to be stressful like mine is. Why did I think that teaching was always going to be bad? I can control how it is ran by implementing procedures at the beginning and always remembering to serve God through my work. I need to be patient and loving, just as God is with me each and every day. How can I expect to reach students and have respect from them when I am forgetting the number one rules for my life? I'm disgusted with myself for forgetting these things in the past weeks. Every time something tough has come up, I haven't gone to Him or prayed about it. Or, I have prayed about it, but then taken the problem back and tried to deal with it myself. No wonder these past weeks have been difficult! I'm not making it any easier on myself.
It's amazing how many life questions are answered if we just sit still and listen for God when He's trying to talk to us. So often I find myself angry because I don't feel like He is hearing me, when in fact it is ME not hearing HIM! It's incredible to realize that what we do each day has meaning in the big picture of God's plan.
These verses definitely sum up these thoughts very well:
Whatever you do, do everything for God's glory. 1 Corinthians 10:31
We know that all things work together for the good of those who love God: those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
I will instruct you and show you the way to go; with My eye on you, I will give counsel. Psalm 32:8
Commit your activities to the Lord and your plans will be achieved. Proverbs 16:3
Yes, it really is that easy. :)
Monday, April 25, 2011
New Again
Today wasn't too bad of a day. School has become utterly pointless for me. I'm not teaching anymore, so there really is not point in me being there. I'm going to be observing some other classes at some point, so that is good, but other than that I just sit in the back of the room and write letters and grade papers. Only 9 more days left. I graduate in less than 2 weeks! That is so crazy...scary...bittersweet...
Life is changing. I can feel it coming. I'm scared, but I'm excited too. I feel like I'm closing the college chapter of my life and opening the "adult" chapter. God has some awesome plans for me and my future. I just have got to be PATIENT. And it's killing me. This summer seems like it is going to be pretty good. I'm really excited for my missions trips I'm going on. I hope that I can grow more in Christ over the next couple of months. Honduras is going to be a real test of my faith, and I cannot wait. :)
So, I've become utterly obsessed with the song I posted about yesterday. Not only do I have a total voice crush on Brad Paisley, but I LOVE the message sent in this song. I basically have it on repeat whenever I'm at my computer. The words are simple, but they are so powerful. I'm going to try and see if I can post a link on here of it...the song makes me think so much about God's plans. I don't understand His plans at all. But I don't think I'm supposed to. That's the beauty of His love for me, and the beauty of childlike faith. So often I question what God's plans are for me. So often I wonder why He lets certain things happen in my life. But honestly, how can I even begin to question his plans for my life compared to the plans he had for Jesus? I cannot even imagine what was going through Jesus' head when he was praying in the garden of Gethsemane. Jesus knew that whatever happened was to fulfill God's will. He had complete faith in His Father...It's because He knows the outcome. Of everything. He knows what I want/need, and He is going to provide me with whatever is best for me. Because he knows. Jeremiah 29:11. He makes everything new. Including me. And just that thought alone makes me want to fall down on the floor and cry my eyes out. I'm so incredibly selfish, but He gave it all for me. He sent His only Son for me. For the world. He created us...and had the most elaborate plan all laid out, and His will was done. That just amazes me and leaves me without words.
I read something this morning from a book I got for Christmas that really struck me. The book is called Promises and Prayers for Dedicated Teachers. The entry for today was about trusting God's timing. Ha ironic since that is what I've been struggling with for quite some time now. It basically was saying that I need to be patient as a teacher. I need to teach my students to be patient in an impatient world. I am their guide, and I need to show Christ to them...one way I can do that is to just be patient with them. Slow to anger. And not anxious.
There were a few verses in the reading that I really liked.
Psalm 27:14, Wait for the Lord; be courageous and let your heart be strong. Wait for the Lord.
Acts 1:7, He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or periods that the Father has set by His own authority."
It's amazing how just yesterday I started this blog...but already I feel like I am accomplishing my goals. Maybe it is too soon to say, but...this could actually work!!
I read Acts chapters 12 and 13 for women's group tonight. I wasn't enjoying Acts at first, but the more I'm reading it, the more I'm starting to get into it and have questions. The Holy Spirit is everywhere in this book! It's frustrating because I don't feel like I really get the concept of the Holy Spirit. Is it just a manifestation of God? Do people see it, or is it a feeling? I'm so confused on this subject. In many instances the Bible says that the people were filled with the Holy Spirit, like at Pentecost in Acts chapter 2. What exactly does this mean? The Holy Spirit also is said to send people places...so is it a feeling or does it come in a vision or a dream or something? Is it the Holy Spirit that allows the disciples to conduct miracles? I think these are questions I need to be asking someone more knowledgeable than myself...maybe I'm being too literal?
I was also reading some out of Matthew because, since watching the Passion a few weeks ago and listening to Dan's sermon Sunday, I've become really interested in revisiting the 4 Gospels. The Passion stirred up all kinds of questions for me, and I'm learning quite a bit about what Jesus preached on to the people of that time. It amazes me that his teachings are still the same today. That they have survived this long just goes to show that he is legit. :) Honestly, his teachings and the ways that he wants us to act are pretty much common sense. Unfortunately, Satan is out there. And he is doing his best to tempt us away from the way we know we should act. I'm slowly learning that I have to reach out to Christ all the time. I cannot be afraid to ask him for things, no matter how minuscule they may seem.
Matthew 7:7-8, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
A prayer for today: Lord, my sense of timing is fallible and imperfect; Yours is not. let me trust in Your timetable for my life, and give me the patience and the wisdom to trust Your plans, not my own. Amen
Check out this video. You won't regret it. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7wEa8YTGhM&feature=related
Life is changing. I can feel it coming. I'm scared, but I'm excited too. I feel like I'm closing the college chapter of my life and opening the "adult" chapter. God has some awesome plans for me and my future. I just have got to be PATIENT. And it's killing me. This summer seems like it is going to be pretty good. I'm really excited for my missions trips I'm going on. I hope that I can grow more in Christ over the next couple of months. Honduras is going to be a real test of my faith, and I cannot wait. :)
So, I've become utterly obsessed with the song I posted about yesterday. Not only do I have a total voice crush on Brad Paisley, but I LOVE the message sent in this song. I basically have it on repeat whenever I'm at my computer. The words are simple, but they are so powerful. I'm going to try and see if I can post a link on here of it...the song makes me think so much about God's plans. I don't understand His plans at all. But I don't think I'm supposed to. That's the beauty of His love for me, and the beauty of childlike faith. So often I question what God's plans are for me. So often I wonder why He lets certain things happen in my life. But honestly, how can I even begin to question his plans for my life compared to the plans he had for Jesus? I cannot even imagine what was going through Jesus' head when he was praying in the garden of Gethsemane. Jesus knew that whatever happened was to fulfill God's will. He had complete faith in His Father...It's because He knows the outcome. Of everything. He knows what I want/need, and He is going to provide me with whatever is best for me. Because he knows. Jeremiah 29:11. He makes everything new. Including me. And just that thought alone makes me want to fall down on the floor and cry my eyes out. I'm so incredibly selfish, but He gave it all for me. He sent His only Son for me. For the world. He created us...and had the most elaborate plan all laid out, and His will was done. That just amazes me and leaves me without words.
I read something this morning from a book I got for Christmas that really struck me. The book is called Promises and Prayers for Dedicated Teachers. The entry for today was about trusting God's timing. Ha ironic since that is what I've been struggling with for quite some time now. It basically was saying that I need to be patient as a teacher. I need to teach my students to be patient in an impatient world. I am their guide, and I need to show Christ to them...one way I can do that is to just be patient with them. Slow to anger. And not anxious.
There were a few verses in the reading that I really liked.
Psalm 27:14, Wait for the Lord; be courageous and let your heart be strong. Wait for the Lord.
Acts 1:7, He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or periods that the Father has set by His own authority."
It's amazing how just yesterday I started this blog...but already I feel like I am accomplishing my goals. Maybe it is too soon to say, but...this could actually work!!
I read Acts chapters 12 and 13 for women's group tonight. I wasn't enjoying Acts at first, but the more I'm reading it, the more I'm starting to get into it and have questions. The Holy Spirit is everywhere in this book! It's frustrating because I don't feel like I really get the concept of the Holy Spirit. Is it just a manifestation of God? Do people see it, or is it a feeling? I'm so confused on this subject. In many instances the Bible says that the people were filled with the Holy Spirit, like at Pentecost in Acts chapter 2. What exactly does this mean? The Holy Spirit also is said to send people places...so is it a feeling or does it come in a vision or a dream or something? Is it the Holy Spirit that allows the disciples to conduct miracles? I think these are questions I need to be asking someone more knowledgeable than myself...maybe I'm being too literal?
I was also reading some out of Matthew because, since watching the Passion a few weeks ago and listening to Dan's sermon Sunday, I've become really interested in revisiting the 4 Gospels. The Passion stirred up all kinds of questions for me, and I'm learning quite a bit about what Jesus preached on to the people of that time. It amazes me that his teachings are still the same today. That they have survived this long just goes to show that he is legit. :) Honestly, his teachings and the ways that he wants us to act are pretty much common sense. Unfortunately, Satan is out there. And he is doing his best to tempt us away from the way we know we should act. I'm slowly learning that I have to reach out to Christ all the time. I cannot be afraid to ask him for things, no matter how minuscule they may seem.
Matthew 7:7-8, "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
A prayer for today: Lord, my sense of timing is fallible and imperfect; Yours is not. let me trust in Your timetable for my life, and give me the patience and the wisdom to trust Your plans, not my own. Amen
Check out this video. You won't regret it. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7wEa8YTGhM&feature=related
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Thoughts from this Easter season
Well, since I'm terribly at journaling, I figured I would try my hand at blogging. Which I'll probably be terrible at too...Anyway.
I titled my blog Daily Bread, because honestly I've been really bad about asking God for my daily bread lately. I've been pretty bad about talking to God period... Since today is Easter, it is really making me think about my walk with Christ and my prayer life. My prayer life is definitely not where it needs to be, but I'm not sure how to fix it. I know that I need to just talk to him daily, but I feel so cheesy. I want to be genuine. I don't want to feel like I'm praying because it's an obligation. I want it to be completely genuine. I need to make some goals to stick with. I just wish I was better at sticking with my goals once I make them. I need some accountability.
This Easter has been really different than others. Church was amazing. For once, I'm at a point in my life where I can honestly say that I care about what God has in store for me. My whole life I've gone to church, but I've never put much stock in God's plans for me. I've always tried to be in control of what happens in my life. I wanted to be in the driver's seat...and lately I've realized that it is impossible to live my life this way. Dan's sermon this morning made me think about some things. I don't understand God at all. I don't understand what His plans are for me. I don't know where I'm going with my life. I am so bogged down with questions and thoughts. BUT it's okay. All of it is going to be okay. God knows what I'm looking for, even though I sure as heck don't. I don't know exactly what I want. I have thoughts and desires, but are they really what is best for me? Life is so hectic right now with graduation, job searches, mission trips, relationships etc...and my first instinct is to automatically start worrying and trying to fit everything together into neat little boxes. That's just me and my nature. Too bad that's not how things are supposed to work...
Matthew 6:34 says, Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Goodness. This verse was written just for people like me. So, why can I not keep that verse in my mind? God's got it all figured out. He knows how the chips fall, and it's not for me to worry about. And yet, I struggle with giving control over to him.
Matthew 6:27--Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
Worrying isn't getting me anywhere..except closer to ulcers and the doctor. And yet, I continue to let it consume parts of my life.
My quest for my best friend/husband has probably got me worried the most. And it's probably my most unfounded worry of all. Amanda gave me an awesome paper the other day all about relationships, and how God has that figured out too. He desires for me to turn to Him, to seek Him first, so that He can mold me and shape me the way I'm supposed to be. He wants to make sure I am fully seeking Him before He puts someone into my life. Which makes total sense...except that I'm the most impatient person I've ever met. I want things to work on my time, but it's God's time that counts. He knows what is best for me, and right now He has a person in mind for me. But we're not ready. Neither of us are...It is just so stinkin' frustrating! I want to be at that place, but I'm ruining it for myself by not taking the steps I need to take.
I know that my relationship with Christ is not where it should be. I know that I am not in the right mindset about God. I don't read scripture like I should, and I definitely do not pray like I need to.
So I guess what it all boils down to is this...how can I expect God to give me the things I long for when I can't even ask Him for them or follow Him like He asks me to? He sent his son to die for me. For my sin. And how do I repay Him? How can I expect to be happy when I let worry lead my life?
I'm sorry God. I'm so very sorry. I'm sorry that I am not making the most out of the life that You so unselfishly gave me.
This song was sang at church today. It really touched my heart, and made me realize how incredibly selfish I have been lately.
(Brad Paisley & Sara Evans)
(Brad Paisley)
Mother - do not cry for me
All of this is exactly how it's supposed to be
(Sara Evans)
I'm right here. Can you hear my voice?
My life, my love, my Lord, my baby boy
(Brad Paisley)
As they nail me to this tree
Just know the Father waits for me
(Sara Evans)
God how can this be your will?
To have your son and my son killed?
(Brad Paisley)
Whatever happens, whatever you see
Whatever your eyes tell you has become of me
This is not
Is not the end
I am making all things new again
(Sara Evans)
I remember when you were born
In that manger where I first held
You in my arms
So many miracles and lives you've changed
And this world repays you how?
With all this pain
(Brad Paisley)
As they nail me to this tree
Just know the Father waits for me
(Sara Evans)
God how can this be your will?
To have your son and my son killed?
(Brad Paisley) {Sara Evans}
Whatever happens {Whatever happens}, whatever you see{I don't wanna see}
Whatever your eyes tell you has become of me
This is not, {Tell me it's not}
Not the end
I am making all things new again
(Brad Paisley) {Sara Evans}
Whatever happens {OhhhhOh},
whatever you see {Ohhhh}
Whatever your eyes tell you has become of me
This is not, {No}
Not the end
I am making all things new again
I'm making goals. Starting now. And I'm going to stick with them this time. It's time to get serious about God and my walk with Him.
I titled my blog Daily Bread, because honestly I've been really bad about asking God for my daily bread lately. I've been pretty bad about talking to God period... Since today is Easter, it is really making me think about my walk with Christ and my prayer life. My prayer life is definitely not where it needs to be, but I'm not sure how to fix it. I know that I need to just talk to him daily, but I feel so cheesy. I want to be genuine. I don't want to feel like I'm praying because it's an obligation. I want it to be completely genuine. I need to make some goals to stick with. I just wish I was better at sticking with my goals once I make them. I need some accountability.
This Easter has been really different than others. Church was amazing. For once, I'm at a point in my life where I can honestly say that I care about what God has in store for me. My whole life I've gone to church, but I've never put much stock in God's plans for me. I've always tried to be in control of what happens in my life. I wanted to be in the driver's seat...and lately I've realized that it is impossible to live my life this way. Dan's sermon this morning made me think about some things. I don't understand God at all. I don't understand what His plans are for me. I don't know where I'm going with my life. I am so bogged down with questions and thoughts. BUT it's okay. All of it is going to be okay. God knows what I'm looking for, even though I sure as heck don't. I don't know exactly what I want. I have thoughts and desires, but are they really what is best for me? Life is so hectic right now with graduation, job searches, mission trips, relationships etc...and my first instinct is to automatically start worrying and trying to fit everything together into neat little boxes. That's just me and my nature. Too bad that's not how things are supposed to work...
Matthew 6:34 says, Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Goodness. This verse was written just for people like me. So, why can I not keep that verse in my mind? God's got it all figured out. He knows how the chips fall, and it's not for me to worry about. And yet, I struggle with giving control over to him.
Matthew 6:27--Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
Worrying isn't getting me anywhere..except closer to ulcers and the doctor. And yet, I continue to let it consume parts of my life.
My quest for my best friend/husband has probably got me worried the most. And it's probably my most unfounded worry of all. Amanda gave me an awesome paper the other day all about relationships, and how God has that figured out too. He desires for me to turn to Him, to seek Him first, so that He can mold me and shape me the way I'm supposed to be. He wants to make sure I am fully seeking Him before He puts someone into my life. Which makes total sense...except that I'm the most impatient person I've ever met. I want things to work on my time, but it's God's time that counts. He knows what is best for me, and right now He has a person in mind for me. But we're not ready. Neither of us are...It is just so stinkin' frustrating! I want to be at that place, but I'm ruining it for myself by not taking the steps I need to take.
I know that my relationship with Christ is not where it should be. I know that I am not in the right mindset about God. I don't read scripture like I should, and I definitely do not pray like I need to.
So I guess what it all boils down to is this...how can I expect God to give me the things I long for when I can't even ask Him for them or follow Him like He asks me to? He sent his son to die for me. For my sin. And how do I repay Him? How can I expect to be happy when I let worry lead my life?
I'm sorry God. I'm so very sorry. I'm sorry that I am not making the most out of the life that You so unselfishly gave me.
This song was sang at church today. It really touched my heart, and made me realize how incredibly selfish I have been lately.
(Brad Paisley & Sara Evans)
(Brad Paisley)
Mother - do not cry for me
All of this is exactly how it's supposed to be
(Sara Evans)
I'm right here. Can you hear my voice?
My life, my love, my Lord, my baby boy
(Brad Paisley)
As they nail me to this tree
Just know the Father waits for me
(Sara Evans)
God how can this be your will?
To have your son and my son killed?
(Brad Paisley)
Whatever happens, whatever you see
Whatever your eyes tell you has become of me
This is not
Is not the end
I am making all things new again
(Sara Evans)
I remember when you were born
In that manger where I first held
You in my arms
So many miracles and lives you've changed
And this world repays you how?
With all this pain
(Brad Paisley)
As they nail me to this tree
Just know the Father waits for me
(Sara Evans)
God how can this be your will?
To have your son and my son killed?
(Brad Paisley) {Sara Evans}
Whatever happens {Whatever happens}, whatever you see{I don't wanna see}
Whatever your eyes tell you has become of me
This is not, {Tell me it's not}
Not the end
I am making all things new again
(Brad Paisley) {Sara Evans}
Whatever happens {OhhhhOh},
whatever you see {Ohhhh}
Whatever your eyes tell you has become of me
This is not, {No}
Not the end
I am making all things new again
I'm making goals. Starting now. And I'm going to stick with them this time. It's time to get serious about God and my walk with Him.
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